I have been having this conversation a lot lately so I wanted to pass my thoughts along to you guys in hopes that they will help.
I don't think a parent ever imagines when they start their little girl in t-ball that one day she will have to have that "difficult conversation" with her coach. Inevitably it always comes up. I think a parent hopes that their child will always be good enough that she won't have to. However, it always becomes an important part of a little girl's career, no matter what her performance level. Whether it is playing time, or playing time at a certain position, sooner or later if she wants to progress in her career she has to talk with her coach one on one.
The first time I had to talk with one of my coaches one on one was when I was entering the tenth grade. I had just turned fifteen and realized I had committed myself too much to softball to be able to play that and basketball. I called my basketball coach and met him at the school. I immediately started crying and blubbering about how I had to quit to follow my dreams. I thought he would be mad at me. Even possibly yell. He smiled at me, gave me a big hug, and told me how he completely understood because he wanted me to follow my dreams too. I truly believe that this encounter empowered me to talk to all of my coaches throughout my career.
Fast forward to my junior year of college. While I have had many playing time talks with coaches, this one became the most meaningful of my career. The second weekend of the season we travelled down to the University of Central Florida to play in a tournament. The second game of the day we were matched to play the University of South Carolina. As our Ace pitcher, I expected to pitch that game. I remember walking up to the line up card to see where I was hitting, no doubt in my mind I was pitching. Not only was my name not in the lineup, it wasn't in the field either. All I could think about was how hard I had worked that off season. All the countless hours spent alone trying to get better for my team, and I couldn't even use that work to help them that night. Needless to say I was frustrated and angry. I waited until the weekend was over and went to the field house to talk to my coach.
After talking to him and hearing his reasoning I felt a million times better. I instantly regretted the negative thoughts that had circled around my head. Besides feeling better, our relationship grew immensely. Anytime there was trouble on the team he would ask my opinion. I felt like I could talk to him about anything, and it gave me the confidence to thrive on the field. I knew I had his blessing, so I became less worried about impressing him and more worried about enjoying the game and winning. I am positive that if we had not had this conversation I would not have felt the freedom I did to perform.
Is your daughter frustrated with her playing time or her lack of playing time at a certain position? The key word there is your daughter. If she is perfectly happy enjoying the time with her friends and doesn't even notice she is not in the game, then you as a parent have to leave it alone. Even if it drives you crazy. But if she is frustrated, it is time to encourage her to speak to the coach.
When your daughter speaks to her coach alone, it is a big step forward in her maturity. At some point in her life she has to learn to speak to adults confidently. What better way? It also strengthens her relationship with the coach. Who better to have a solid relationship with than the one helping her progress in the sport she loves? As a coach, there is no greater respect than for players that are willing to tell you what they are thinking, feeling, and wanting. How else can the coach know? Coaches can't read your daughter's mind, so how can they know she is unhappy if she doesn't tell them? The coach is not intentionally trying to prevent your daughter from doing what she loves. It is the opposite. So help the coach help your daughter. Have the difficult conversation, and after a couple of times it's just a conversation.
